Cinderella Love

Cinderella has to be one of the greatest animated cartoon classics of all time. The Walt Disney version is one film that will never grow old to both young and old alike. But despite its delightful charm, brilliant colors, and wonderful enchanting music there is something fundamentally disturbing with its plot.

While my intent is not to destroy a great piece of Americana, I do feel that it is important to reveal how this fairy tale is sending an alarmingly false message to our precious young children who watch this beautiful film as well as read its timeless story.

As a Christian the thing which alarms me the most is not the fairy godmother, but the way the concept of love is treated. If we distill the story of Cinderella down to a few short sentences what we find is the following:

A beautiful young lady is trapped into a life of servitude to her own stepmother and stepsisters. She is always dreaming that one day she will be able to have her dreams of happiness come true. One day she finds out that all the eligible young maidens in her kingdom are invited to a ball in honor of the prince. In steps a fairy godmother who makes it possible for her to go, but only for one short night.

She goes, meets the prince, dances with him for maybe an hour, but then must abruptly leave before her coach turns back into a pumpkin, etc. But the disturbing part of the story is that the prince says he has fallen madly in love with Cinderella and won’t rest until he finds her and marries her; and the feelings are likewise for Cinderella. Yes, this is a classic example of love at first sight.

But what we really have here is a perfect example of infatuation at first sight. This type of attraction is only a shallow aspect of the rich dimensions that God intends real love to be. Cinderella love is what Hollywood has been turning out on the silver screen for almost a century. It has turned this country into a nation in search of a feeling. And with the explosion of “adult entertainment” we have become a nation in search of a sexual feeling. If this sounds like a far cry from what God’s concept of love is all about you would be 100% correct.

Now before you start calling me prudish, let me say that God is not against these feelings (nor am I) as along as they are viewed from the proper perspective. God gave us feelings and emotions and His stand on them is simple – as long as they don’t conflict with His word and will, then go ahead and experience them to the fullest. But when a conflict ensues then instead of denying and suppressing these feelings, which is unhealthy, acknowledge them and ask God to help you work through them.

While love is not just a feeling, having feelings for our spouse or dating partner is not wrong at all. What we need to do is recognize that we should only have these strong feelings (which include sexual) for that one special person whom God has brought into our lives. We can then allow these emotions to grow and intensify as God intends them to. This strong emotional and intimate physical bond then becomes a wonderful part of the fullness of love that God wants a man and a woman to have for each other.

Feelings, commitment to one another, and a deep commitment of the two marriage partners to the Lord, is what true marital love is all about. By this definition the only place for these strong emotions to be allowed to express themselves is in a serious dating or marital relationship. And, of course, the sexual aspect is reserved only for the marriage bed. To allow our feelings to run wild when we get infatuated is quite dangerous since wrong decisions can often follow.

To further unmask Cinderella love, consider what this love is all about. Again, in a godly Christian context, where feelings are only one aspect of a mutual commitment for life, and where it is understood from the start that if the feelings go the marriage stays, the love dynamic is totally different. In a Christian relationship feelings may form the basis for the initial attraction but they are not and should never be the sole basis of a lifetime commitment to each other.

It is amazing that when two people become infatuated with each other they literally hunger to talk, touch, and constantly be together. Expressions such as, “I can’t live without you,” “you mean the world to me,” and “we were always meant to be together,” become the messages these new love birds begin to sing.

These two lovers may have just met a few weeks or even days earlier, yet these incredibly strong feelings have already begun to take hold. When our short term lover says, “I can’t live without you,” he really means that he can’t live without the feelings he gets when he is with his beloved. He is really, this early on, not in love with the other person, but with his own feelings which the other lover helps generate!

If the feelings were to suddenly go, so would the whole relationship. This type of love is truly “self” love and not love at all. And this is why Cinderella love is so dangerous and deceptive. It paints a distorted view of what real love is. It has trapped millions into a long chain of disastrous events from divorce to abuse, and from abortions to AIDS.

If those first romantic feelings were all the prince and Cinderella had to base their relationship and marriage upon then they probably would not have lived happily ever after!