Have you ever questioned God? I think if we are honest all of us in our Christian walk have had times, when we have gone through severe trials, have asked God why is this happening. Sometimes when we have made a bad decision or are sinning, we know why negative things come our way. However, there are also times when we are serving God and doing good yet suffering happens. And it is in these times we question God – why is this happening.
I know in my own life, back in 2004, I came down with a severe case of clinical depression. It came out of nowhere, and lasted 18 months, and didn’t leave until I got on the right medication. My depression was so severe that I couldn’t sleep, had no appetite, couldn’t concentrate, and couldn’t even experience any feelings of pleasures in life. I lost my job but thank goodness I never lost my faith in God. I prayed constantly for God to take away my depression but it was as if it appeared He wasn’t listening. I can vividly remember asking God many times why was this happening and all I got back was silence. I reviewed my life to see if there was any sin I committed that could have brought on this depression but couldn’t find any.
While during this depression I seemed to have lost everything but praise God I never lost my faith in the goodness of Jesus. Sadly, today in some Christian circles there is a belief that if you just have enough faith you shouldn’t get sick and always prosper financially. This “word faith” theology is not biblical and totally misses what faith is all about. Throughout my depression journey my faith in God never wavered and thankfully I never demanded God to answer my why questions. Yes, I often asked why, but my faith in God’s goodness allowed me to never demand an answer. Thankfully, when I got on the right medication my depression vanished and I have been totally depression free for 15 years.
I have learned much about faith and suffering through this experience. One lesson that God has shown me, the late Pastor David Wilkerson has expressed well when he shared: “Our faith is not meant to get us out of a hard place or change our painful condition. Rather, it is meant to reveal God’s faithfulness to us in the midst of our dire situation.”1 Just read (Hebrews 11) and we can see that some of the greatest men of faith in the Bible suffered greatly for their faith, but yet God saw them through their trials.
In my case not only did God teach me important lessons about faith and suffering but He used my suffering for His glory in a totally unexpected way. You see during my deep depression I eventually lost my job as a Vice President of Finance at JP Morgan Chase at age 52. But God opened an amazing door of ministry for me once my health returned. God transitioned me to a whole new career as a counselor at the Bowery Mission in New York City. The Bowery Mission feeds the homeless and has an adult program for men and women seeking to get their lives back on track from drug and alcohol addiction, homelessness, and a variety of other crisis issues. For 12 years (I retired two years ago from the Bowery Mission) I was able to minster to hundreds of men, helping them get their lives back through godly counsel, prayer, and just loving them as the special people they are.
This new career was so much more rewarding than working at JP Morgan Chase and it only shows me that God works in mysterious ways. When we allow God’s sovereignty to work with our faith something wonderful can happen. God loves us and has a wonderful plan for our lives and He often uses the tool of suffering to conform us more into the image of Jesus and to allow us to participate in the great privilege of bringing Him glory. While my plan was to retire as a banker, God used my depression to alter that plan and allow me a far more rewarding second career. God is indeed good!
1 90 QUOTES BY DAVID WILKERSON [PAGE – 2] | A-Z Quotes (azquotes.com)
WOW!!! What a testimony!
Elaine